Rays of Hope
by tinkyR
Summary: Bella loses all hope when she is diagnosed with leukemia. When she gives up on everything around her, can something or someone save her from it all? AU


**Disclaimer-I own Nada Stephenie Meyere owns all**

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As I get out of bed, the sun shines through the windows of my musty room, I adjust my eyes to the new found light that is a rare occurrence in this town. A ray of hope it seems to be, in this never ending misery that has become my life. I have lost all hope; I have learnt to accept my faith as it has been destined to be. I can remember with exact clarity the day my entire life seemed to have ended.

_It was the final period for the day and I was in English class, with my head on the table. I was not feeling too well, which was becoming quite the norm for me these past few months. I had begun to feel faint during this last class and had rested my head down when angel, my best friend, had spoken to me. "Bella didn't you just hear a thing I said?" asked angel annoyed but calm at the same time. "S-sorry I didn't, I was out of it for a second could you repeat for me?" I asked with the little girl voice I knew my friend would feel guilty about. "Oh alright already no need for the strawberry short cake voice, I was just asking if you wouldn't mind going to the store with me to get some supplies for my latest art project?"_

_Three hours later and four bags of useless crap I didn't even know were for, angel had stopped for food. Thank god! I don't even know how I kept on my own two feet for so long. As we were making our way to the food court in the mall, I felt as if my whole world went blank, and I was being sucked into a vortex. Everything around me went blank, I couldn't hear, see, feel or even smell!_

_It had been three weeks after that incident, an incident that would be the beginning of the end. And incident which marked the commence of hell for me. The doctors had said that it was just mild fatigue ,stress from school etc, how wrong they were. My dad had become uneasy with the results because I began deteriorating slowly after that day. My step didn't have the bounce it once did, I was becoming paler, and for some reason I was tired ALL the time. When another episode similar to the one at the food court happened again in gym class, my dad had had enough. He decided to take me to a better doctor in Seattle, because according to him, forks' doctors were crap. I was uneasy with all the attention and concern in my father's eyes. I did not like to worry him, he was all I had._

_After a few weeks we had gotten the results of the tests and scans I had taken in Seattle. Dad was on the couch watching TV, and I had just finished making dinner. "Dad its ready, I made lasagna today", I said unusually merry. "Let me turn off the TV and go get the mail then I'll come and eat bells", he replied. After I served my dad I sat down, I wasn't feeling too well, again with the light headedness ugh. "Uh bells the results came back, uh honey I uh-uh well god how is this possible, well it says here that you have leukemia honey, I know it's a lie it can't be but…"_

"Yup", I thought to myself, I still remember that day with perfect clarity. The scent of medication and must wafted my nostrils as I finally got out of bed. "Great, another day of hell", I groaned. School had become more and more challenging every day after my illness got worse.

I refused to let anyone know of my condition I didn't want to be on the 'pity party'. I accepted what I got and tried to live with it, key word tried. I took a bath and watched my reflection in the mirror, and my heart sank at what I saw. Every day was the same story.

I don't know why I didn't get used to this _'thing'_ staring back at me in the place of my reflection. I had become even paler, my eyes had sunk into my face, and I resembled the living dead. I quickly put my hair in a pony tail, put on some jeans, tennis shoes, and a black hoodie.

After I had begun deteriorating I distanced myself from my friends, I knew I was going to die, and there was no use in hiding in it. I didn't want to be the cause of anyone's distress so I decided that if I acted bitchy and made my friends not want to be around me, when I died they wouldn't get hurt. Easy solution.

The rumors at school weren't helping either; everyone thought I had begun to use crack or something. Remember I know look like the living dead all pale and frail, Fetch, sometimes I wish I could just die. As I walked into the cafeteria I tried to put on my armor. I still have not grown immune to all the stares I get from these people. Some watch me with pity, some wonder what ever happened to the 'funny –bright smile-bells', and well other glances were just hurtful. Like the glance June Stanford was giving me. June was one of the most popular girls at school.

Right now she was sitting at 'the table'. I used to be part of that table. I used to laugh with my friends like that; I used to be ALIVE, like them. Just as I was bringing myself out of my mental escapade, I saw June calling me over. "Hey look what the cat dragged in", she spat. "Bella honey that crack is really doing nothing for you, you look like crap, and you reek of disinfectant, well Lysol isn't going to cover up the drug smell from your police chief daddy" she cackled.

I couldn't take this anymore, I was not going to let her get to me, but I did. My armor was completely shattered and I didn't have a witty come back. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole, I wanted to pee my pants, even a slap would be better than this emotional pain I was going through. When I thought it couldn't get any worse it did. June stood on the top of the lunch table and started yelling "Hey everyone, we have a new druggie in school, a vile little piece of crap that is infesting our hallways, what should we do with her huh; teach her a lesson of course." I seriously don't know why I didn't run out of there, it was like my feet were heavy, couldn't move. Just when I was about to gather strength to move I felt something slimy drop on me.

Suddenly the cafeteria was in upheaval and everyone was laughing a roaring. I didn't cry I just ran outside with what I assumed was pudding on me. I ran and ran and ran until I was outside. I didn't even have my truck today, dad had dropped me. Luckily for me it started to rain, no rain was an understatement it started to POUR. I had lost all dignity then, I simply didn't care anymore, I just stood there crying and crying while the heavens cried with me.

Hours seemed to have passed but I know it could have only been minutes, seconds maybe, when I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. "Hey are you okay, it raining terribly outside you shouldn't be standing here, and you might catch a cold or something", a sweet velvety yet raspy voice said to me. "Yea I kn..." I began to say when I suddenly saw the most gorgeous person I had ever seen in my life. He had bronze colored hair; his features were that of a male model.

I couldn't stop looking at his eyes. I suddenly composed myself, and before I realized it he had carried me to a spot where I couldn't get wet and abruptly left. That was it; I knew my life was doomed. I was so repulsive that even this stranger couldn't stand to be in my presence, as soon as he saw my face he had disappeared.

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AN-hope you like it..i would also like to apologize for not writing the other stories..but i cant seem to be good at lemons so im sorry, i was doing something out of my league. 15 reviews and i;ll update..if you like it that is :(


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